gaisce | The improv fic challenge...

Okay, so I agreed to write improv since people were kind enough to accomodate me for the AIM spit up, I wrote something in return. Unfortunately,

anruitoivoa wanted a Naruto/Utena crossover. So be warned, bad dialogue slightly OOC behavior and a bit of Shiori bashing (Couldn't help it, Naruto wouldn't like her). Really, just look away if you don't feel cracky.

"What Friends Are For"

"Lady! Hey, hey lady!" Naruto prattled and jumped around, trying out his long-trained skill of being annoying enough to catch anyone's attention. "Lady! Hey!"

Juri Arisugawa was trying very hard not to make sure a vein in her forehead popped out, but this...this...kid was so damned annoying. "Go. Away."

Naruto's face scrunched up, as if he was having trouble figuring out why someone wouldn't want him around. "Lady, I just want to know where the nearest ramen stand is. I'm not askin' you to buy me some. Eheh, although if you're going to offer?" Naruto smirked and quirked his eyebrow suggestively. Even though she was completely frigid, Naruto had to admit she looked pretty.

Juri turned around and stared point blank at him with the most steely glare her emerald eyes could muster. "There aren't any ramen shops near here for at least fourteen kilometers."

Naruto looked like she kicked him. "No...no ramen shops? What kind of dump is this place?!"

"One that doesn't cater to your needs obviously," Juri sighed and wished he would go away.

But, that just meant that Naruto had nothing to pull his attention away from the girl, as he instead clambered up on the fountain where she was sitting. He leaned down to gaze at her levelly, almost to the point where their noses were touching. "Whaddya mean?"

"You don't grasp personal space," Juri replied, increasingly vexed that he seemed to be too dense to get that she was supposed to be intimidating. If she didn't know better she'd say this was Utena's little brother...

"What's that?" Naruto asked obliviously.

"It means," Juri sighed and stood up, "that you stay arms length away from people out of politeness. And because you don't seem to like to bathe..."

"Hey! I do too bathe!" Naruto shouted indignantly. "I can't help it if it's hot and I'm not wearing anything under this jumpsuit!"

Juri made a very unelegant choking sound.

Naruto crossed his arms, taking that for a victory in debating. "Hey, hey lady, you know your hair is the same color as my jumpsuit?"

"No, I couldn't possibly notice that," Juri responded dryly, resigning herself that, like Utena, this boy was also too dense to take any hints that he should leave.

"Well, it is. Except it's way too curly. I mean, how long do you hafta spend on those things?"

Juri rubbed her temples. "Don't you have somewhere else to be? Someone else to bother?"

Naruto shook his head vigorously. "Naaaaaaaaaahh. Sakura and Sasuke tol' me that we didn't hafta meet up until night. I just wanted to find a ramen shop and then I ran into you!" He smiled.

"Funny how things work out, eh lady?"

"Oh, yes. Ironic." Juri wondered if fate liked to laugh at her. First she fell in love with Shiori, then got caught up in selling her soul in a dueling game with the devil. Then...this boy.

She heaved another tragic sigh (she had become accustomed to being tragic) and touched his shoulder. "If you promise to leave me alone afterwards, I'll treat you to one of the nearby shops."

"But it's not ramen!" Naruto whined.

Juri leaned down, and in her most seductive voice murmured, "But it's a Viking style Korean Barbeque..."

Naruto flushed a visible bright red and nodded. "Sure, sure!"

Juri thought the promise of food would shut him up. But she was wrong yet again as all it did was make him even more hyper, as he bounded alongside her, chanting little ditties and telling people on the street how lucky he was to be treated to a date--"It's not a date!" Juri hissed--"dinner" by such a pretty lady.

"Hey, hey, so this means I can eat as much as I want, right?" Naruto asked for the seventh time, not quite believing his good fortune.

"Yes, anything to keep your mouth occupied," Juri grumbled and paid the cashier for two.

"Whaaa! They have udon here!" Naruto cried and immediately ran to the tables. "Lady, hurry up! I'll save you a bowl!"

"I don't particularly care for-" Juri started before having a bowl shoved into her hands by the boy. She glowered before staring at his eager-to-please face. "I...uh, make sure to save some for yourself."

"No problem!" Naruto chuckled and somehow managed to snatch and balance five in his tiny arms. "I've done this a lot!"

"I bet you have..." Juri sighed.

"Hey, you know I know a kid named Udon! He and his other friends think of me as their oniisama!"

Juri shuddered as she suddenly entertained the thought he might be related to Nanami in some way. "That's...nice."

Naruto paused in mid-shovel, as if he was suddenly struck by a kind of epiphany. "Eh, lady? Why are you doing this?"

"I already told you," Juri muttered in exasperation, "you eat and then you leave me alone. It was part of our deal."

"Nah, nah, nah. Not that," Naruto said and belched. "I mean, why does a pretty lady like you have the time to talk to someone like me? I mean, don't you have any jealous boyfriends or groups or somethun?"

Juri idly stirred her udon. "No, I don't have any boyfriends. Not many friends either. I'm not what you'd call a social person..."

Naruto chuckled. "Awwww, I wouldn't worry about it. You just haveta be brave and talk to people like I do! People would like you even if you are a bit of a grump if you just talk to them!"

"I am not a grump," Juri responded. As soon as the words came out of her mouth she realized she had been infected by the boy's petulant behavior.

"But come ooooooooon!" Naruto whined, "You had to have some friends at some point!"

"I did," Juri murmured sadly, thinking of how the absence of her locket still clung to her. "But there was some complication."

"Eh?" Naruto blinked, utterly confused.

"Do you have a friend who likes you in a different way than you like them?"

Naruto's brow furrowed in concentration as he gnawed on his chopsticks. "I really like Sakura-chan, but Sakura-chan only likes me as a friend."

Juri felt an ember of sympathy for him at the moment. "That's what happened. Only this friend of mine...would hate me if they found out I liked them like you like Sakura-chan."

Naruto crossed his arms. "That's not true! Sakura-chan likes Sasuke, but Sasuke doesn't care one way or the other about it. Hehehe, it still means I have a chance!"

"Maybe that's true, but what if you liked Sasuke instead of Sakura?"

Naruto blinked again, many times in fact. "I do like him. I mean, he's really grumpy--like you are, but he's still my friend."

Juri grimaced and ran her hands through her hair, messing up the tight curls. Whatever possessed her to actually try and talk to this boy about her problems was beyond her. "It's...it's nothing. Just forget it."

Naruto crossed his arms. "You don't make any sense, lady. You act like you can't have another friend except for that one. You probably just sit around and mope about your one friend and totally ignore anyone else who wants to be friends with you!"

"It's not the same," Juri hissed, trying to keep her voice low in order not to make a scene.

"Is too!"

"No, it's not. This isn't just friendship, I loved her."

Naruto blinked again and Juri felt like she had to bite off her tongue. God, what was it about the dense innocent people that made her own issues just start spilling out?

"So?" Naruto asked, "You can love other people."

"Did you just hear what I said? She'd hate me for it."

Naruto sniffed in disgust. "Then she's not a really good friend. Get a better one."

"Why haven't you given up on Sakura then?" Juri sniped.

"Because she's just being really dense right now. Once she stops oggling Sasuke she'll finally realize that I'm an awesome person and fall madly in love with me!"

"She's the dense one?" Juri muttered.

"Look lady," Naruto explained, "You had to like someone else at sometime right? I mean, you like me at least! Hehehehehe!"

"Despite the fact that you don't listen, have no idea about me and all you do is prattle on about how wonderful things are. Honestly, you're just like--" Juri felt her voice catch. Utena. There was someone she liked.

"I'm just like what?" Naruto asked and sucked down another bowl.

"A...an acquaintance of mine."

"Does she like you?" Naruto asked.

"No. Not really." Juri sighed. "She only talks to me when she feels like meddling in my affairs and telling me to do the right thing."

Naruto grinned. "She likes you."

"She does not!"

"Does too," Naruto taunted back in singsong. "You've got a friend and ya didn't even notice~!"

"She's just someone I talk to occasionally."

"She likes you!"

"For the last time, it's nothing more than idle chitchat!"

"Why don't you ask her then?" Naruto smirked and rocked back and forth in his chair.

"Be-because!" Juri responded, trying hard not to blush. "It's nothing I should consider."

"If ya didn't care you wouldn't mind asking her."

"It's rude."

"No it's not," Naruto sang. "Look, I'll ask. Hey, do you like me lady?"

"That's not the point!" Juri shouted in frustration.

"Juri-san?" a voice called out from the restaurant.

"Oh...shit," Juri whispered to herself, feeling the pit in her stomach grow larger as the threat of talking to her loomed. If she wanted to feel even more uncomfortable adding Shiori looking over her shoulder would do it.

"Good evening Shiori," Juri muttered pleasantly through gritted teeth.

"I didn't think you'd come to places like this," Shiori giggled in a way that wasn't entirely friendly.

"I was treating a friend to dinner," Juri responded cooly and tried to avoid eye contact.

"A friend? Oh, that's so cute," Shiori laughed and looked Naruto up and down disdainfully. "A younger man?"

"Someone I met."

"How precious," she responded, positively glowing at seeing Juri look undignified. "Hello, little boy. My name's Shiori. I'm an old friend of Juri's."

Naruto wasn't dense enough to be oblivious to Shiori's presence was making Juri very uncomfortable. And she wasn't acting very nice anyway. He crossed his arms and glared at her. "And what are you doing here?"

Shiori blinked. "You're being very rude."

"Please..." Juri whispered, looking pleadingly at Naruto. "Forgive him. He...doesn't really get social graces."

"I'm only nice to my friends. And friends of my friends. You're not her friend so I don't have to be nice to you. Especially since you're not being very nice to me!"

"Excuse me?" Shiori hissed.

Naruto glared at her, which was more of an angry squint, because he wasn't used to being intimidating. "You're not nice to Juri, so you don't deserve to be her friend."

Shiori turned to Juri, looking for the kind of anguished confirmation that meant, indeed, Juri still cared for her. "Juri-san, tell him to stop shouting out these lies about me. I'm your friend, right Juri-san?"

Juri looked down at her hands. "You used to be my friend, Shiori. That doesn't mean you're my friend now. Or that I can't have new ones." She looked at Naruto and smiled. "Come on. This place isn't much fun anymore. If you're still hungry I'll take you to an ice cream shop."

Juri stood up and stared at her old friend, "Good-bye Shiori." She said it without any real bitterness, and she was glad for it. So she moved and put her arm around Naruto's shoulder to usher him out.

"Hey, hey, I thought you said once we finished I had to leave you alone?" Naruto asked.

"I changed my mind," Juri said calmly. "And I'm in the mood for something sweet after that."

Naruto grinned and ducked out of her embrace. "Because you treated me to dinner, I'm going to do something nice for you."

Juri blinked worriedly, "Oh no, I think you've done quite enough."

"Nah!" Naruto chuckled and removed his slingshot from his shoulder. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret..."

"What's that?" Juri asked, not helping but to be pulled along into it.

Naruto whispered, so quietly Juri could just barely hear it. "I'm a really super strong ninja."

Juri tried hard not to laugh. She felt really foolish and gullible for just being sucked into his little play fantasy. He probably had a make-believe universe set up with his friends Sasuke and Sakura where they saved the world each afternoon with their ninja skills.

But just as she was about to say something Naruto brought out a smoke bomb capsule and shot it straight at where Shiori was sitting down, hitting her right in the face.

"Ah! My eyes! It burns!"

Juri put a hand up to her mouth, covering the incredulous smile that was awkwardly finding its way to her face. "Oh dear..."

"See! See lady!" Naruto laughed and puffed out his chest. "I told you I was a super ninja! Didn't I tell you!"

"You are indeed," Juri chuckled and placed her hand on his head, ruffling his hair a little. "It's nice to have such a strong ninja for a friend. I feel safe walking out at night with you."

"Don't worry!" Naruto laughed and bounded out ahead. "I'll protect you!"

Naruto blinked, stumbling over a crack in the sidewalk. "What? Wait, did you call me your friend?"

Juri paused. "Why, I'm not sure..."

"You did! You called me your friend!" Naruto shouted with as much conviction as he could muster. "You did! I heard you!"

"Maybe I did," Juri sighed and placed a quick peck on Naruto's cheek before pulling him up. "But you're still annoying."

Naruto just laughed and turned bright crimson.

~*~*~*~*~

"Hey, hey guys! You wouldn't believe what I did today! I made friends with this pretty lady, I mean she could be a model, she was so beautiful! And she liked me so much she treated me to dinner! Ooh, and then ice cream! And then she gave me a kiss!" He pointed to his cheek. "Right here! She kissed me!"

"Naruto, don't make up such stuff," Sakura grumbled in exasperation.

"But Sakura-chan, I'm not!" Naruto whined. "She said I was her friend and kissed me on the cheek!"

"Why would she do that?" Sakura asked.

"Both of you, can it." Sasuke grumbled as he arrrived silently in their appointed meeting place. "I just want to get home."

"Eh, why Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

"Because I didn't run into a model and get dinner and a kiss, like you did, dobe." Sasuke grumbled and shoved his hands into his pokets. "I ran into this girl out of nowhere, nearly sprained my ankle from traffic, and all she did was drag me around like she wanted to protect me. It was annoying. I thought she was Sakura at first from the pink hair, but she was even more annoying. All those rants on how I should loosen up and how I reminded her of her friend. It was Juri this and Juri that." He grimaced as if in pain. "She kept telling me to be more social. As if I needed that."

"I'm...annoying?" Sakura wibbled.

"Hey! That sounds like the model lady's friend!" Naruto laughed. "Bet she told you to take that stick out of your ass and lighten up, huh Sasuke?"

"How did you know?" Sasuke asked, suspicious.

"Because that's what I told Juri!" Naruto laughed even louder, so hard he was almost practically doubled over. "Hehehehehe!"

"It's not the same," Sasuke grumbled.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Juri said the same thing!"

"Drop it already!"

"She said that too!"

"Shut up!"

Glowing reviews:

silverprism-*has been giggling for the last two hours* "Hehehehehehe perfect." *its like yelling at the television screen* "Heh." "Burns like JUSTICE! Hahahaha!"

peroxidepest17- *highly amused* "That was incredible genius. I would have just cried and ran away if Anrui told me to write a Naruto/Utena crossover" *laughs* "This must be so undignified for [Juri]..."

anruitoivoa- "awwww cute!!!!! hit on her naruto!!!" "ooh it was buffet. smart juri."

The improv fic challenge...

Hee ^_^